You Don't Want My Perfection

The world may want my perfection, thankfully the One who created the world, He doesn't want it. 

For the past few days, I have struggled with an overwhelming sadness. It typically doesn’t take me long to get over some things, but certain things have really caused for a prolonged “get over” time period. I feel the struggle with this because I don’t want to wake up and face the cruel world that we live in. I just want to cuddle up in my bed, and hide away from the world. 

Ever since I was high school, I have struggled with this. The world is so mean and cruel. The strength to have to face it, sometimes it just cant be found. As I go throughout my day, I cant make eye contact with anyone. The smile on my face is not able to function. The joy in my life is buried somewhere. And sadly, the hope I should have slowly fades away. This has nothing to do with war, or what I have seen or haven’t seen. For some reason, this affects me more than it probably should. My heart breaks over this. The power that it has, the affects that it has on me, it is far too much for me to bear sometimes. Though, I do not have another option except to lean into God; which, is the best option, even if there were others. 

I do not know if people realize the affects they have on people, especially the negative ones. I want to have the reputation of being a joy, being a light, and being genuine to someone. I pray for His strength because I have nothing left to give. I pray that He gives me joy that overcomes drama. I pray for His confidence in every action that I take, every word that is said, and every smile. I live for You King Jesus, and this world will not take what You have given me. I will not submit to the evilness to this world, but I will stand for I am redeemed. <<< This is how I want to feel. This is the spirit I want to have. By the power of God, I will conquer this. As my mom always says, this too shall pass.

Please, my faithful prayer warriors, pray for my strength. I struggled for about 3 days, I did much better yesterday afternoon and then again this morning, but this afternoon, I feel like I am going backwards. I feel better after typing this out, and listening to Christian music. I took a break from work to come be in my room and take the time I need to pray, listen to music, and type. Love to you all. xoxoxo