Lose My Soul

Today has already become a day that I must overcome and defeat. The comfort that I am going to find for this day is going to come from Psalms 118: 5-8. It says:

"I called on the Lord in distress; the Lord answered me and set me in a broad place. The Lord is on MY SIDE; I will not fear. What can MAN do to me? The Lord is for me among those who help me; therefore I shall see MY DESIRE on those who hate me. It is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in man."

Leadership is a lonely place. A Christian Leader is an even lonelier place. The short amount of time that I have spent in the military, this has been the an eye-opening experience to the sadness of the world we all live in. I give all glory to God for the kindness, sensitivity, and love for people that I attempt to portray in my daily life. I know that He made me this way for a reason. I know that He instilled these characteristics about me for a reason. I am not sure what that reason is yet.. though, sometimes I think I know, I am quickly reminded that I am wrong.

My mentor in the military tells me that there is a place for all types of leadership in the military. I do agree. However, its tough when I am the minority. My heart is in a place to help people. It is in a place to comfort, guide, and mentor people (whatever their rank/position) whenever I feel led. This complicates my life in the military. I am told "You're too sensitive." "You care too much Loggins." Well, the initial reaction that I feel is hurt. I do not like people judging my leadership capabilities. I do not like people telling me to change, and I know that basically what they are wanting is for me to be more like them. Well, I don't want to be like them. I want to be me. Just because my leadership is not like theirs, does not mean that it is wrong, just different. And different is okay.  My husband loves me for me, my family loves me for me. (I hope ;))

I remember growing up that someone told me, you want to live a life where people look at you and say to themselves, "I want to be like her because she has something special going on with her. Why is she is happy and kind? What gives?" Well, the answer to that would be the Love of Jesus. And it always has been. I have The Spirit living inside me, and I can't help but to love people (as best I know how). By all means, I am NOT saying that I am this happy, go-lucky, always perfectly happy kinda person, believe me I am not, and if you don't, ask my husband :) But, I do try to put a smile on my face, care about everyone's day, their lives, their children, their parents, their pets, career,etc. I make the attempt everyday. These Soldiers are worth my efforts.

What is more important? Always having an open door for my Soldiers and creating an environment where they feel comfortable and ultimately (hopefully) they see the Love of God shine through? Or, is it be more like the non-believers and the people who try to change my heart? I think the answer is clear here. But, that doesn't mean the battle is over. It only means I understand the battle, for now anyways.

Here is a perfect song, just for good measure :)

Father God, I am clay in your hands,
Help me to stay that way through all life's demands,
'Cause they chip and they nag and they pull at me,
And every little thing I make up my mind to be,
Like I'm gonna be a daddy whose in the mix,
And I'm gonna be a husband who stays legit,
And I pray that I'm an artist who rises above,
The road that is wide and filled with self love,
Everything that I see draws me,
Though it's only in You that I can truly see that its a feast for the eyes- a low blow to purpose.
And I'm a little kid at a three ring circus.

I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.

Dear Heavenly Father, I come to You this afternoon to ask Your strength. I ask for You teach me Father, to place my confidence in You, and in You alone. I know that You have put me here for a reason, and I pray that I accomplish that mission for you. I pray that Your will be done while in this place of Christian loneliness. I pray for Your strength for the battles I will face in the name of You. I pray that these battles do not break me spiritually, but strengthen me. I trust you Jesus, and I love You for who You are and what You are doing in my life.