My Gift.. maybe. :)

On Sunday, I did not go to the 1030 service (that is another blog all in itself!) However, there is a general protestant service at 2030 that I went to instead. The Chaplain is one of the best Chaplains I have ever met. He is outstanding. And he did not let me down on Sunday night. Prior to walking over to the church, I told my friend Christy, "Chaplain Irwin better have something good for me tonight because I sure need it." And it was EXACTLY what I needed. 

I continue to struggle with who I am and what type of leader I am because it is so different than those around me. And it is still causing conflicts with those who I am supposed to depend on/lean on. However, the message at church was related to this issue, at least to me. 2 Corinthians chapter 12 talks about the gifts of people. "There are diversities of gifts but they are from the same Spirit." So, that led the preacher to ask us what our gifts are? Or what we may think our gifts are? I think it is important to know this, and realize this for several reasons.

1. This gift(s) was given to you by God, to be used for God. 
2. Knowing your strengths helps you in any relationship or situation. My strengths are typically my husband's weaknesses, and the other way around. (Which is why we are so great together ;)) 
3. If you know a strength/weakness, you can do your best to strengthen them both and use them in ways that are beneficial to God's will (or mission in Army terms). 

The Bible confirmed that my strengths are to be used and to be built up (2 Tim 1:1-12)! The Bible also says that men have suffered for the sake of their Lord and I thought to myself, maybe that is what I am doing here. I am not physically suffering, but I am emotionally struggling. I am mentally struggling. But, that is a struggle that I will not give up or let the enemy win. My gift is my gift that I need to use because it is a strength, not a weakness that others tell me it is. I need to believe with boldness that this is who I am, and this is how I will lead and take care of these Soldiers. 

My gift is kindness (I think..). Genuine kindness. I care about Soldier's problems. I care about their future. I care about their spouse, their kids, their dog, their education, their finances. I care about these things because I am their leader and I want to make sure they are taken care of to the best of my ability. My ability will not be limited by what I am "allowed" to say or not "allowed" to say. God truly is the only one who can control this tongue! 

So, my next obstacle is not allowing the struggle to affect me to a point that I am no longer able to "force" my gift on others. It is not letting my emotions get the best of me when I am constantly questioned. It is not allowing the annoyance I feel towards those who have made this SO unbelievably difficult on me to fester inside me. But geez.. that is so much easier said than done. My patience runs thin and it runs thin much quicker with those who I am currently not getting along with. But, I can't control them. I can't expect them to be the person I THINK they should be. An awesome family friend of ours told me to "Keep your faith in people realistic." I love that. Just because its something I expect, doesn't mean it is what is going to get done. And I cant control that, especially when they are higher ranking than me. Usually when they have been in the Army a while too, its best to not even attempt to speak (in my experience). 

Yes, this was a long blog but I haven't been on here in a few days! I have been thinking about this blog for a couple of days now! We lost our unclassified network at work, so I have to do this in my tent. But, what have I learned? A Soldier told me once.. "Stay true to who you are." The Bible confirms this. The next struggle is just APPLYING it. I know what I need to do, or I know how I need to act, but the application is twice as hard I think. 

Father God, I pray for Your guidance. You know my heart better than anyone and You know the struggles I face. Please help me to do what I need to do to live for You and be the example You want me to be. You gave me this gift, I don't want to put it in a box. I especially don't want to lose this gift and have it boxed up with cobwebs surrounding it. Please speak to me when I feel myself allowing this place and these people getting the best of me. I have the Spirit of God inside me, I know that this can be done. I know that You will not leave me nor forsake me, and I asking for that promise to be kept to me as I make my way through this dark valley. I love You God, and I trust You. In Your Holy Name I pray, Amen.